The 100 Year Old Virgin
by CuzEdwardLikesBrunettes
Summary: What happens when Emmett and Jasper attempt to get Edward...er...well, you know? Let's just say that bars, clubs, and Rite Aid are places were embarrassment comes easily to Edward. Mildly OOC for fun.M for language, mature humor, and over-all raunchiness
1. Prologue

The other day, I was sitting on the couch, eating ice cream and rereading Eclipse to get ready for August 2. I get to my favorite scene (where Bella tries to seduce Edward) and at that exact second, an ad for _The 40-Year-Old Virgin_ comes on the television. So, BAM! I get this amazing idea. What if Edward were in the situation Steve Carell was in? This chapter is an introduction of sorts to the story of Emmett and Jasper's attempts to get Edward laid. There will definitely be more to come. So, without farther delay...enjoy **_The 100-Year-Old Virgin._**

Disclaimer: I don't own either the Twilight Universe or _The 40-Year-Old Virgin_. They belong to their respective owners. I am merely twisting the plot lines for my own amusement.

Emmett's Point of View

I hate horror movies. I mean, after a hundred plus years, serial killers chasing teenagers through the woods gets kind of old. Especially since said serial killers wouldn't be able to hurt anyone in my family; just one of the many perks of being immortal.

My family was gathered in our living room, some boring 1980s movie playing on the plasma screen in front of us. A girl had just been hacked to pieces by some machete-wielding psycho. The blood didn't even look real. Pathetic.

"Is anyone actually watching this?" Bella questioned the group, though she never took her golden eyes off the screen. The response was a resounding _no_. "Then why is it still on?"

"I really don't know," Carlisle told her. His eyes were still glued to the television as well.

We fell silent for a brief moment.

Finally, Alice broke the silence. "Can we please do something else?" Without waiting for an answer, she reached over, snatched the remote control from the table, and flicked the television off.

"Now what?" I asked, looking around hoping someone would give me an idea. When no one replied, I leaned forward and grabbed the Rubik's Cube off the coffee table. I played with it for about fifteen seconds before I had solved it, so I placed it back where it was. "I wish that thing was harder."

"That's what she said," Edward mumbled under his breath, so quietly I wasn't completely sure I heard him correctly.

"What was that, Edward?" Jasper asked him, a smirk beginning to spread across his face. Apparently, I wasn't the only one who heard it.

"What?" Edward asked in response.

"I could have swore you just made a 'that's what she said' joke," Jasper explained.

"I thought he did, too," Alice added.

I threw in a "dido" for good measure.

"Wow," Rosalie said, earning a glare from Edward. "The 100-year-old virgin made a sex joke. Bravo, Edward."

"Rosalie," Esme warned.

"Hey, Bella, did you ever hear the story of when Jasper and I tried to get Edward laid?" I asked my newest sister. When she shook her head, I continued. "Well then you're in for a treat. It all started in 2001 when were still in Denali. We were bowling-"

Jasper interrupted me, "No, we were playing pool."

Edward shook his head, grimacing at the memory. "We were playing cards," he corrected us.

"Oh yeah," I amended, "we were playing cards."

"I'll just tell the story," Edward announced. "If you are that intent on humiliating me, Bella might as well hear the correct story."

We all settled in to listen to what was probably the greatest tale Cullen family history.


	2. Monica Chandler & Friends

**_A/N: OK, the first real chapter! woot! I had a blast writing this so I hope you guys like it. Since Eleazar is from Spain, I slipped a little Spanish in there...just for a heads up. Also thank you so much for all your support already. I was amazed at the response this story got with just the introduction! You're all seriously amazing. THANK YOU!!_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Those belong to their respective owners.  
xXxXx_**

Edward's Point of View 

"Three aces," Emmett announced placing three cards face down on the table. He looked around at the rest of us, daring us to call his bluff.

"Bullshit," Jasper and I called simultaneously.

Emmett's fist came down hard on the table, sending the piles of cards and poker chips flying. "Damnit! You shouldn't be allowed to use your powers when we're playing cards."

"It's not against the rules," Jasper stated in our defense. "And even if it was, it's not like we can help it."

"You can block their powers," Eleazar explained. "That's what I do. Just think of your wife."

Emmett looked at him like he had just told him all the secrets of the universe. "Eleazar, I think I love you."

Eleazar laughed, "I'm sorry, Emmett, I prefer women."

"Oh well," Emmett shrugged, chuckling himself. "Carlisle, it's your turn."

"Two twos." I tried to take a peek into his mind to see if he was being truthful, only to be assaulted by images of my mother in _very_ little clothing. I cringed at the sight, quickly trying to think of something else. _Anything_ else. I glanced over to Jasper; he too appeared to be affected by Carlisle's train of thought.

"_Un tres - _one three," we all looked at Eleazar as he slipped his card on the table. No one challenged him. "You know, Edward, most men _enjoy _seeing women in their underwear."

"Not our Edward," Emmett announced, causing a growl to emanate from within me. "He thinks it's 'disrespectful' and 'repulsive' to think about things like that."

"Well, I'm sorry that my mother, as well as Esme, raised me to respect women," I retorted in hopes of defending myself.

"See boys, my son has morals," Carlisle said. I began to thank him, but he held up a hand to stop me. "I wasn't finished yet. Edward, you need to throw your morals out the window. It's not worth it – you're a hundred years old, for Christ's sake. You need to live a little."

I just stared at my father – completely at a loss for words – while the others laughed at my expense. I thought that, traditionally, parents were expected to tell you to remain abstinent until marriage. Yet here was Carlisle, telling me just the opposite.

"And how exactly do you propose I do that?" I looked around the table and immediately realized I should have kept my mouth shut.

Jasper smiled and suggestively wiggled his eyebrows. "Welcome to Women 101."

* * *

"I really don't think this is a good idea," I said for the umpteenth time since we had left our house in Denali. We were headed south on AK-3 toward Anchorage as well as my downfall.

Jasper smacked me in the back of the head from his place in the backseat of Emmett's jeep. "Edward, shut up. We're doing this for your own good."

"Yeah," Emmett agreed. "What happens when you spontaneously combust from all this sexual repression? How would Jasper and I live with ourselves knowing that we could have prevented it?"

I simply sighed and shook my head.

"Hey, Em, where exactly are we going?" My blond brother asked after a moment of silence.

Emmett smiled before replying only one word, "Octane."

"What's Octane?" I heard myself ask.

"An isomeric saturated hydrocarbon that's found in petroleum. It's used as fuel or a solvent," Emmett the Smartass told me at the same time as Jasper said, "A bar."

"Why are we going to a bar? We can't drink."

Jasper sighed. "Really, Edward, are you that dumb? We aren't going to drink. See, there are women at bars – women that are drunk and stupid. We are going to this bar so you can find a drunk girl."

"I'm not going to take advantage of a drunk girl." Was it that difficult for them to grasp that I had far too much respect for women to actually follow through with this? I was happy as I was; I didn't feel as though I needed a woman to make my existence complete.

It was now Emmett's turn to reprimand me. "You're not taking advantage of her. You don't even need to touch her. This is just a trial run of sorts. You're going to flirt with these women to see if you have what it takes."

"I'm not sure if I know how to flirt," I declared, hoping they wouldn't detect the false note in my voice so I could get out of this whole thing.

"It's fine. We will be in your head all night – we won't let you make an ass out of yourself," my bear-like brother assured me. "Trust us." Too bad that was easier said that done.

* * *

"We're here," Emmett announced as he slid the jeep in to an empty spot in the parking lot. I grimaced at the sound of the blaring music that played from within the bar that loomed in front of us – I never was a big fan of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama."

"Do I have to go in?" I whined. I probably sounded like a two-year-old, but I was grasping at straws here.

"Yes," my brothers answered in unison. I reluctantly followed them into the building.

"Hi there, handsome," a busty redhead slurred to me as we walked through the doors. I was surprised, as I looked into her mind, that the alcohol she had consumed thus far hadn't cause her pass out yet.

I looked around the interior of the building. This place reeked of cigarette smoke and beer. The lighting cast odd shadows throughout the room, making the people look pale and sickly. They drunkenly danced to the music coming from an old jukebox to the left of bar, which spread across nearly the entire east wall. A few pool tables were scattered around the room, along with many tables holding two, four, or six people.

We finally reached a empty table in the back corner, next to one of pool tables. A waitress came over to take our orders, her eyes lingering on the three of us a little longer that I thought was necessary. Emmett ordered us a pitcher of beer. What exactly he planned to do with it was beyond me.

We sat for a moment, no one saying anything. I surveyed the room, taking note of the fact that most of the women here were already draped over men. Most of them, however, were single and only here looking for a potential boyfriend or just someone to buy them a drink.

I also noticed that Jasper seemed unusually tense; I asked him what was wrong.

He shrugged and then gestured to the people around us. _The alcohol in their bodies is making their heartbeats more rapid. Add that to their feeling of lust, and it's just a lot for me to handle. _I nodded and asked him if he wanted to leave – and praying he would say yes. _No, I'm OK for now. Nice try, though._

"Guys, check out those girls. They're looking at us," Emmett interrupted mine and Jasper's conversation, pointing to a group of three women who were scandalously clad in mini skirts and low-cut tops. One was brunette while the other two were blond, and all three were good-looking by human standards. Sure enough, they were staring directly at us. When they noticed the three of us looking at them in return, they waggled their finger in our direction and giggled.

_Oh, look at the big one. I'd love to feel his muscles,_ one of the blonds thought, unconsciously running a hand through her hair. I pointed her out to Emmett, and he winked at her. She swooned on the spot.

The other blond's thoughts weren't nearly as clean, as she was busy undressing Jasper in her mind. I told him of her thoughts; he cringed slightly but waved to her nonetheless. I thought she was going to faint from her shock at his attention.

The brunette was trying to figure out my name. _Alex? No he's too hott to be an Alex...What about Sam? No, no, that can't be it. This is difficult..._ I locked eyes with her, laughing as her thoughts became jumbled. _Whoo boy, he has gorgeous eyes...Wait, what was I thinking?_

I pulled my attention from the three women back to my brothers. "This place seems really crowded," I mused aloud.

Emmett chuckled, "Yeah, well you know, nine dollar beer night."

Our waitress decide to appear at that moment with our pitcher of beer. Jasper tried to hand her a bill, but she shook her head. "Those women over there took care of it." She pointed back to the girls that had been staring at us moments earlier before walking away.

"Wow, free beer," Emmett said, amazed. "I don't remember much about my human life, but I know free beer is definitely a good thing..."

Jasper and I laughed at him, "Too bad you can't drink it."

He simply shrugged and poured us each a glass before looking back up to the group of girls, beckoning them over to us. A few minutes later, all three women stood before before our table, brilliant smiles spread across their faces.

"Now, you beautiful ladies didn't happen to send us a pitcher, did you?" Jasper spoke, hypnotizing the blond that was staring at him.

"Uh, maybe... I'm Monica, by the way," the brunette giggled, holding out her hand for me to shake. I brought her hand to my lips and placed a kiss on the back, leaving her stunned for a moment. She shook her head before continuing, "That's Megan and Christine," she gestured first to the blond that was still looking at Jasper with glazed over eyes, then to the other blond who was currently curled in Emmett's lap.

Megan and Monica sat down at the table. The girls went through our pitch of beer as well as another and were starting to become a little tipsy. We talked for a while, before I decided enough was enough.

"Em, Jazz, I think Tanya wanted me home by three and it's already two thirty. We better leave soon." My brothers looked to me confused – they knew I wasn't fond of Tanya, at least in the way she was fond of me. It was also near a two and a half hour drive back up to Denali. It was understandable that they would be perplexed.

"Whose Tanya?" Monica asked, jealousy coloring her tone.

I smiled but looked down, pretending to abashed. Emmett and Jasper just shook their heads as I responded, "My wife."

"_What?" _Monica shrieked. She jumped up from her chair, sending it flying backward before it clattered to the floor. "You have a _wife!_ You...you..._bastard!" _She then proceeded to throw the contents of her glass into my face. I half-dodged the splash, the majority of the beer hitting Emmett in the face – a small portion landing my shoulder. The sticky amber liquid dripped down his face and pooled on his shirt and jeans. Emmett just sat there, stunned into silence, as Monica and her friends stomped away. Finally, he came back to life.

"Can we leave?" he asked and stood without waiting for a reply. Jasper and I followed him to the jeep, trying unsuccessfully to stifle our laughter. When we finally reached the car, Emmett turned to me. "Edward, you aren't getting into the jeep with that shit all over your shirt."

I swiftly removed my button-down, and jumped into the backseat, closing the door tightly behind me. Jasper slid into the front, staring out the windshield, thinking of Alice. _Will she be mad about tonight?_

"No," I reassured him, "especially after we tell her about this."

I looked out the window to see Emmett pacing back and forth in an effort to control his anger. After a few minutes, he seemed satisfied that he had subdued his rage. He removed his shirt, threw it in the Dumpster behind the bar, and walked back to the jeep. He was about three yards away when I heard a wolf-whistle from across the street. Emmett head snapped around to face the direction it came from and for an instant he stopped dead in his tracks. Then he took off faster that he should have toward the jeep. He gunned the engine and pulled out onto the street, speeding past the homosexual couple that whistled at him. As we flew by, I heard the one whisper to his partner, "Hey, Chandler, do you think he's straight?"

* * *

"Emmett, I-" I began my apology yet again, only to be stopped by my uncontrollable laughter. He growled in response.

I knew that Monica would respond like that, I knew that it would upset her that I "had a wife." I just hadn't expected my brother to also be on the receiving end of her anger. Chandler and his partner were just icing on the cake. I knew I shouldn't be laughing, but the whole situation sent me into hysterics nonetheless. We were already half way home, and Jasper and I still couldn't control our outburst laughter; this was just far too absurd.

"Em, I really am sorry. You know, about Monica and Chandler..." This caused Jasper to crack up again, and I had to bite my lip to keep from doing the same.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Emmett replied. I could practically hear him rolling his eyes. "So what are we doing tomorrow?"

**_xXxXx  
Good? Bad? Personally, I thought it was funny... I snuck one of my favorite quotes from The 40-Year-Old Virgin in there. You get a virtual cake if you can tell me what it is! And please review!_**


	3. Gifted

"I wouldn't have acted like that if it wasn't for dumb and dumber over here," I said gesturing to my brothers. "Especially seeing as Jasper was sending me lust left and right all evening."

"You were sending him feelings of lust all night?" Alice asked, giggling as we told our tale of what had happened that night. "And he actually fell for it?"

Jasper nodded. "And the best part is, by the time he figured it out, he was too busy laughing at Emmett to be angry with me."

"Believe me," I retorted, "I have plenty of time to make up for it."

"Is that a threat, Eddie-kins?" Emmett taunted me. "Wasn't ruining my shirt punishment enough?"

"Hey," Jasper said in my defense, "that was all Monica, man. Even though it was Edward's fault she got angry." He then proceeded to tell the story of how I had made Monica upset enough that she tried to throw a glass of beer in my face.

"Well, that explains why you smelled so bad when you came home," Rosalie said to her husband. "I'm glad you threw your shirt away. Yuck."

"Well, I wouldn't have smelled like beer if Edward hadn't made that girl mad."

"I wouldn't have needed to make that girl mad if you and Jasper would have let me stay home last night."

Emmett huffed and crossed his arms over his chest before mumbling, "Fine, Edward, you can stay home. But Jasper and I are going to make you miserable for ruining our fun."

"Leave me out of this one, Em," Jasper told our brother, holding his hands up in defense. "I don't need him to be more pissed at me."

XxXxXxX

I couldn't believe I had acted so rudely to those women – especially Monica. Sure, a week had passed, and they were most likely too intoxicated at the time to remember the encounter at all. But I should have been more patient as well as nicer to. And maybe Jasper's influence had swayed my decisions the slightest bit. In any case, I control my own actions, and I had been completely out of line.

I even considered trying to track the three woman down and apologize. That wouldn't have been too difficult to accomplish with my heightened senses. But I didn't think it would lessen my guilt any. I may gain a stalker out of it, though...

_Knock, knock, knock._

Three sharp raps on my door pulled me out of reverie.

"Come in," I instructed, removing my headphones from my ears.

There was no response, no indication that whoever knocked was going to enter.

"Come in," I repeated and waited again.

Still, nothing.

"Oh, for the love of –" I rose from the floor and moved to the door, listening to the thoughts of those I called family.

The majority of my family – that is those who didn't keep up the human facade of a job – was gathered in the living room, enjoying a movie with Irina and Kate, who had stopped by for a visit. Esme was in the garden behind the house. Alice and Jasper were out hunting. No one was thinking of me. None of them gave any clue that they had knocked on my door. Everything was perfectly serene. That is, until I opened my door.

"What the hell?" I asked no one in particular.

A booming laugh came from the first floor, and I immediately knew exactly what "the hell" was.

"Yes, Emmett. This is _very_ funny. I can't think of anything more hysterical than leave a big box of pornography in front of my door."

"I told you it was coming," was his reply. "You better be nice to those things, too. You now have every issue of _Playboy_ ever made in your possession."

My bear-like brother was suddenly standing in my doorway behind his, erm, gift. I closed the door in his face, shutting out both Emmett and his big ol' box of fun. Then, I returned to my spot on the floor. Emmett, though, not being one to take a hint – or rather, being one to take a hint and completely disregard it – just opened the door again and invited himself in. He sat down, cross-legged, across from me and placed his disgusting cardboard box between us.

"Just take a look at it, little bro. I'd be willing to bet you enjoy it." Emmett wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, a gesture that would have been comical under different circumstances.

"No." I pushed the box closer to him.

He pushed it back. "Yes."

"Emmett," I sighed, "get out of my room."

He held up his hands in surrender. "Hey, all you had to do was ask. I can understand if you want a little privacy."

He lift his present to me behind.

I refused to even look at the box, let alone touch it. It stayed in the same location Emmett had placed it, taunting me. I threw a blanket over it, hoping it would keep me from noticing its presence. It didn't help – actually, it probably made me more aware that _thing_ was there. I didn't have any interest in the contents of those magazines. I knew they were inappropriate, and I pointedly ignored their existence because of that. When I had been growing up, I was raised better that. My mother, as well as Esme, had taught me that women were to be respected. Because I found it quite difficult to respect a woman who exposed herself in that way, I refused to acknowledge that such a woman existed. They say ignorance is bliss, and that was as polite a response to the situation I could muster.

I was beginning to think that things couldn't get any worse, seeing as I had a box of pornography taunting me daily. But that is one thing I should have learned in my one hundred years: things can always get worse. A lot worse.

XxXxXxX

Approximately one week after Emmett had given me what I'm sure he thought was an amazing gift, there was a quiet knock at my door. My parents entered when I opened it, lounging on the the loveseat that sat against one wall of my room. I took a seat on the chair adjacent to them.

"Edward, we need to talk to you," Carlisle began. "I know that your brothers have set out, well, to make you more _sexually_ _aware_. Though we don't necessarily agree with their efforts, Esme and I just wanted to make sure you were aware of what that means."

I cringed. A sex talk. Lovely.

"Carlisle, Esme, I know you both mean well. I appreciate your concern, but I'm certain I don't need to have this conversation with you. I feel I gained adequate information on this topic through my two years of medical school and through the sexual education classes I have had to endure in high school these past few decades."

"That's not what we were talking about, Edward," my father told me. "At least, not exactly."

Esme nodded before adding, "We know that you understand the basics. If you were human, you would be more than prepared. It's just, to put it bluntly, sex is different for vampires."

I couldn't believe I was having this conversation with my parents. Or that I was having this conversation at one-hundred-years-old. Wasn't this supposed to be something that you did when your child was a tenth of my age?

My parents – both of whom were usually very open and relaxed – seemed slightly uncomfortable. We sat there in a moment of awkward silence before Carlisle was brave enough to venture on. "Look, son, essentially, you have less to worry about as a vampire. There are no fears of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases – vampires are sterile in nearly every way. Plus, with your heightened senses, the experience is more...pleasurable."

I nodded numbly, face blank. My mind was processing the information, but my body refused to respond in in any way.

"It could be very dangerous if you tried to become...intimate with a human, though," Esme added after another short, miserable pause. "Our kind can become quite," she stopped again, searching for the word, "_animalistic_ during times of intimacy. It would take an unbelievable amount of self-control to be able to resist a human's blood in that state."

"If you are ever tempted," Carlisle interjected, "it might be best to 'take matters into your own hands.'"

Again, we were quiet. The double meaning of Carlisle's comment slowly began to sink in. If it was possible for me to blush I would have been the color of a fire engine at that moment. Esme shifted to rest her head on Carlisle's shoulder while my father drummed his fingers nervously on the arm of the loveseat. Finally, I spoke.

"Is there, uh, anything else I should know?" The both shook their heads 'no'. "Well, erm, thank you for sharing that information with me. It was...most helpful."

_If you ever want to talk, _came my father's thoughts, _you know where you can find me._

I nodded once, showing him I understood, and my parents rose to leave. They were nearly to the door when the blanket-covered box caught Carlisle's eye. He froze mid-step and looked at it curiously.

Upon reading his inquiring thoughts, I explained, "It's just a box of old magazines that Emmett gave me. I have no interest in them, but he won't take them back." None of it was a lie, a fact about which I very proud.

"Maybe I could take them to the hospital," Carlisle suggested. "The waiting rooms are in need of some new reading material."

I shifted, weary. "I'm not sure that would be the best idea, Carlisle."

"Mind if we take a look anyway?" my mother asked.

I couldn't tell them no. I knew they wouldn't pry if I asked them to drop the subject, but I wasn't particularly fond of being dishonest to my family. So instead of doing the intelligent thing and saying it was nothing, I nodded.

Carlisle lifted the blanket of the box and Esme whispered a faint, "Oh my..." upon seeing the name of the magazine. My father chuckled before replacing the cover.

"It would seem you didn't need that talk after all," Carlisle told me, with a knowing smile.

I vigorously shook my head. "As I said, those hold no interest for me. They were a 'gift' from Emmett, and he refuses to take them back."

"It's fine, son. We understand," was the only reply I received before my parents walked out of the room, laughing at my expense.

Emmett was going to die.

* * *

Yes, I realize I'm horrible about updating... I get it. Sorry.

Review and tell me what you thought!!! xoxo, Ana


	4. Important Author's Note!

Hello? Is anyone there?

((Ana ducks behind a random passerby as her lovely, amazing, loyal readers throw shoes, tomatoes, rocks, and the occasional small dog at her.))

"What the are you doing here?" y'all ask, rather disgruntled. "You've only been gone for, oh, over a year. What? No, we didn't miss you. Didn't even notice you were gone... What the hell is wrong with you?"

Yes, I know. I'm a horrible person. I have all of you wonderful people following me and supporting me and reading the stories I have written, and what did I do? I ignored you for a year plus a whole bunch of days. To this day, I still get people adding me to their favorites/alerts, and each time I get a new email showing me that you guys still support me even after all I've done to you, it makes me cringe. Seriously.

I know it's not really the same thing, but it's like when I go to a concert and wait around after the show in hopes of seeing my favorite band of the night, and they just never show up. I mean, I bought a t-shirt. I paid the extra 10 bucks for the meet and greet pass. I stood next to some guy who smelled suspiciously like fish, aftershave, and Mexican food all night, while he "danced" and ended up almost punching me in the face in the process. I got my ass grabbed more than once by the creepy guy behind me, and I'm pretty sure none of those times were accidental in spite of the fact that his girlfriend was trying to suck his face off the whole time. I freaking _love_ this band, yet they can't even stop over and say, 'hi.'

Turns out, I'm just like that band of douches who cares more about getting paid for their gig than about thanking the fans who are the ones paying for them to play in the first place. I've taken all of your love and general awesomeness, and completely disregarded it.

**_And I'm sorry._**

I know it's not much of an excuse, but I lost my love for the Twilight series for a while. To me, as someone who loved the books from the very beginning, it was the fangirls that did me in. It was so cool to know about Ms. Meyer's universe when it first started. I felt _special _being part of this little group who knew about this awesome thing, only to have supposed fans ruin it with their hype when the movie came out. Excuse the fact that I'm using another music example, but Twilight became like Fall Out Boy to me; it was amazing to begin with, knowing about something so cool even though it was so little known. But then the fan-base grew, and not for the best. Like Fall Out Boy, Twilight became trendy. Now, don't get me wrong - there's absolutely nothing wrong with following trends. I, myself, have fallen victim to the Silly Bandz fad. But what annoys me is when people only like something because it's popular. I can't tell you how many girls in school have come up to me and been all, "OMG, I love Edward!" or "OMG, Pete Wentz is sooo hott!" Normally, I just think, _Is that so?_ _Did you read the books? Or did you ever listen to Fall Out Boys' first well know album, Take This to Your Grave? No? Well, then, you can kindly just shut the f-ck up..._

I really think that the Twilight movie was the worst thing that happened to the series, and that's not just because I disliked the artsy angle taken with it. It brought about a bunch of hype, and completely unnecessarily so.

That being said, New Moon kind of began to restore my faith. That movie wasn't quite so horrible, and by the time it came out, some of the fangirls had actually picked up the books and enjoyed those as well as the movies. Appreciated them, even. Then, Eclipse made me smile because it was pretty darn close to the book and made me remember what I loved so much about the series a year ago. I don't feel quite the same affection for Bella and her friends and family as I once did, but I don't abhor the books anymore, either.

So, the point behind all of this? First, I wanted to say **_I'm sorry for neglecting all of you. You truly are wonderful _**and I thank God that you all enjoyed what I wrote so much that you've put me on 166 alert lists, 155 favorite lists, and left me 264 reviews, in total. Compared to some authors on here, that's nothing. But to me, your support really is everything. I wouldn't have come back at all, had it not been for you guys. I read each and every review I get, and try to reply to all of them, too. I care. Really, I do. I just suck at showing it.

Second, I wanted to let you all know that _**I am going to edit/rewrite everything that I have up thus far**_. I'll be deleting the originals, leaving the first chapter so those of you who do have me on alert/favorite don't have to go find the new, updated version. Of course, I'll update that chapter, but you won't be getting an alert for it if you subscribe. Your best bet would probably be to wait for the second chapter to be posted then go back and reread chapter one first. That way you know it's been fixed. I can't tell you how long that process will take. I'm hoping no later than Christmastime. Then, depending on where my feelings on the saga stand after all of that, _**I may start to post new chapters**_. No promises, though. We'll just have to play that by ear.

Thank you again for all of your support! I really, truly do love each and everyone of you.

Love,  
Anastasha ('CuzEdwardLikesBurnettes)

P.S. If you want to comment on this post, could you please do so in a PM, just for organization sake? It would be much appreciated. :)


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